Saturday, May 03, 2008

Car poor

There are several residences in my county that can be classified as “car poor.” Maybe this is the wrong term—maybe they should be called “car rich!” I’m referring to those residences where there are many more cars permanently parked around than there are drivers.

Many of these places probably qualify for the Trash Up the Neighborhood Hall of Shame. To determine whether a property qualifies, I have developed a simple rating system.

Basic score:

Add (1) point for every vehicle (minimum of 5) parked on the property.
Vehicle includes cars, pick-ups, trucks, trailers (with or without a boat),
motorcycles or scooters. Bicycles don’t count.

Bonus score:

For every vehicle parked in the front yard: 2 points.
For every vehicle up on blocks, either in driveway or front yard: 2 points
For every vehicle missing a major body part (hood, fender, door, etc) 2 points
For every vehicle with a body part painted a different color than the rest of the vehicle: 2 points
For every boat not on a trailer: 2 points

Special bonus:
For every garage so full of junk there is no room for a vehicle: 3 points

To qualify for the Hall of Shame, the conditions must exist for a minimum of 30 days. (One time events, such as birthday parties, family reunions or NASCAR race days, do not count.) A minimum of 10 points is required.

Down my street is a genuine contender. At last count, there were 7 vehicles (4 cars, a delivery van, a motor home, and a boat on a trailer) on the property. Two cars were parked in the front yard. The garage is so full of junk that it hasn’t held a car for many years. All these vehicles have been there for at least 6 months. This place, on a major street, scores 14 points.

Recently I saw the ultimate in single vehicle score. It was a blue pick-up with a black driver side door, missing the hood, up on blocks in the front yard, with a john boat in the pick-up bed. By this scoring system, this single vehicle rates 11 points, enough single-handed to qualify for the Hall of Shame. I hate to tell you about the rest of the derelicts scattered around the property.

Look around. There might be contenders in your neighborhood.

1 comment:

Katie said...

When I think "car poor", I think of those neighborhoods with Escalades and Lexuses in the driveway, but parts of the house roof are missing, broken windows are repaired with cardboard.