Junk Mail

Junk Mail

I get lots of junk mail. Most of it is rather irritating. You have to understand that direct mail advertisers work on a 3% return. That means if 3 out of a 100 people buy what they are selling, then they make money. The other 97 of us have to put up with their junk mail.

There are several banks in America that are absolutely convinced that I really need another credit card. I don’t. I have one, and that’s enough! My old Daddy told me a long time ago, “Boy, every man needs one wife and one credit card. He’ll never want another of either.” But I digress.

The funny thing about these offers is that they all emphasize how low are their interest rates. I guess they assume that just as soon as I get my new card, I’m going to max it out. Now that is dumb! Nobody in their right mind pays the interest these people charge. But they are persistent. Every week I get at least one offer for a new card.

This would not be so bad, except that these direct mail solicitors have decided that since they are sending me a letter, and have gone to the trouble of preparing an address label, then they should get full value for all their effort. So I get a thick envelope, filled with pieces of paper, offering me not only a new, pre-approved credit card, but also all sorts of other things, none of which I need or want.

I have become really ticked-off about these unsolicited solicitations. There was a time when I would just deep-six the envelope without even opening it. I am wiser now. The senders often include a return envelope, with prepaid postage. So if they give me this chance, I pack up all their pieces of paper in the envelope, and mail it back to them. After all, they are paying the postage. I was always taught that if you receive a letter, you should send a reply, especially if somebody else is providing the stamp. I do include a note saying “Put this in your landfill.”

Think about it. We didn’t ask for all these wonderful deals they are offering. Why should we have to dispose of their junk? If we send it back, then whoever sent it has to pay the postage; they have to dispose of it; and the US Post Office gets the business, which they need. It’s a win-win situation!

If enough red-blooded Americans would just follow this simple ploy, we could put an end to much unsolicited junk mail. Of course the US Postal Service would lose a lot of business, but they can always just raise postage rates to make up for it.

But then that’s the view of the Resident Curmudgeon.